Reading for Sanity
I can’t remember if I have discussed this before, at least in writing, on this blog.
This is about my reading practice. Why I started it. It’s about more than reading.
In October of 2022 we drove to Mississippi to pick up our dog, Riley, who was then a 9-week old puppy. The previous couple of years had been rough. In November 2019 my mother died, after 4 years of dementia. We thought we would be getting some relief, but then in early 2020 the Covid pandemic hit. About halfway through 2020 my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. She spent the 2nd half of 2020 in chemo, then in February of 2021 had surgery. All of that during the pandemic.
I had always really been the picture of mental health, but the stress of all that, plus the fucking Trump presidency, gave me a serious case of anxiety. Eventually I dealt with the anxiety, but some damage was just permanent, I think.
In September of 2021, after her surgery and the beginning of physical therapy, my amazing wife sat down at her desk and began working 10-12 hour days to complete her dissertation. She graduated that December. To this day I am just so proud. The next year we did something she’d always wanted to do. We got a dog. She found our little Riley at a farm north of Vicksburg, Mississippi. We drove there one day, picked him up, and drove home. That was a long day.
Neither of us had ever had a dog. My wife was as prepared as a new dog owner could be, but honestly neither of us had any idea what to really expect of a 9-week old sheltie. It was massively stressful. Now, looking back, I know that he was actually amazing. He’s a great dog. He learned the ropes as fast as a puppy possibly could. But for a good 4 months - maybe 6 – our lives were almost 100% about the dog in a way we just were not expecting. I’d get home and she was worn out from trying to nurture an energetic pup, teach him to pee and poop outside, and play with him because he was non-stop. I swear, the first time he finally one evening layed down and went to sleep at about 8pm, rather than going hard until bedtime, I had never felt such relief.
So, we had gone through all this difficult shit, and now we had a dog. I’d get home from work and she’d be completely worn out, so I’d take over with the puppy.
Now, post-pandemic and post-cancer there were other issues that were stressing us out. I still had massive generalized anxiety. And let’s face it, when you get home from work you aren’t usually filled with energy in the first place, but I dredged up enough every day to play with Riley and help my wife.
BUT – I felt like I had nothing going on for myself. I wasn’t out skateboarding. I hadn’t returned to aikido yet after the pandemic died down a bit. Post-cancer is very hard on everyone involved. I felt like I was giving all I had to give, to everyone but myself, and I was miserable. First-world privileged miserable. Yes, I loved and still love my wife more than life itself. Yes, I love that dog. I loved him from the first day we had him, even though he was driving me crazy. But you can love everyone in your life and still be worn-out and miserable. And I was. The problem with that kind of misery is that it can easily turn to resentment. Resentment is really really really bad. You don’t want that. I didn’t.
I’m not proud to admit that I was feeling so bad. I gave all I had willingly. I would do it all again. But I think everyone - everyone - needs a little something for themself every day. Look at all the mothers out there who slave away for others every day with nothing for themselves and often no appreciation. Think of the parents who come home, work there asses off at home, take the kids around, and have nothing left for themselves or their spouse. This is the case with most people. It’s the way our society is structured, and it is 100% fucked.
So I started thinking. What can I do so that every day I do something for me, so that I feel like I’ve done something I’m interested in, where I go to bed at night feeling like even though I gave 95% of my life to other beings today, I still kept 5% of it for me, in order to stay sane and remain the kind of husband I want to be? Something other than staring the the TV, endlessly watching stupid shit on the internet, or just staring into oblivion.
The answer was reading.
I could read any time I had a few extra minutes. I had to overcome the stupid idea that reading can only happen if I have lots of available time. That is a fallacy. People I know who read many books every year tell me their secret is reading when they have a few minutes available and always having a book with them.
I also had to overcome the idea that I needed absolute quiet to read and concentrate. I needed to learn to read while we sat in our front room with the TV on. This took a while. I had to learn to read in such a way that if my wife or I wanted to talk to the other, like healthy couples do, it was not an interruption of my reading and some sort of catastrophe.
It took a while to rebuild my ability to concentrate after many years of being an internet idiot.
I set my goal – to read 5% of a novel every-damned-day. That is easy with a short novel and harder as they get longer, but honestly it is a very doable number. It also means you finish a novel every 20 days, at least. Some days I’d find myself able to read more than that. But I did at least 5% almost every day.
And here’s the thing. Some night’s I’d stay up an extra 30 minutes to get that done after everyone had gone to bed. Sometimes I’d get it done during my lunch hour, or after dinner. Regardless when I got it done, I went to be every night knowing I’d done what I needed and wanted to do for my family and done something I enjoyed and that gave me a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.
I started the reading project in April. I logged my progress on goodreads.com and created this blog and podcast as a way to add to my experience by writing and thinking about what I’d read. By the end of the year I’d read 26 science fiction novels.
I had a similar experience in 2024, though I think by that time I had learned to enjoy this practice without being a dickhead about it. I could, in fact, be a dickhead if someting interfered with my 5%. I don’t actually think that’s unreasonable. I mean – please - Universe - just let me read my fucking 5% today and not be fucked with and I’ll be a fairly good human being!
Last year, 2025, it fell apart, but for good and fun reasons.
In 2025 I decided to increase the number of RPG sessions I ran in my two campaigns. That takes time. Time is a scarce commodity. I love my reading, but I really really wanted to increase my gaming. My wife plays in one of the games and she was getting to be a great player. And I love the rest of our groups. They are my best friends. Getting to do something fun like that with my wife every week was good for us as a couple and good for us to be around other people. It has been a massive success. It’s easier to do now that our dog is older and is just such a good boy! So I’ve been spending more time on game prep.
But here’s the thing. A lot of my game prep time is wasted. It’s me farting around, getting distracted, and not really getting the job done. I am more effective when my time is a bit more constrained. That means I’ve been wasting time. I should have been reading.
So last night, March 1, 2026, I returned officially to the 5% per day habit. Today I got it done at lunch. It’s not a chore. It was really fun. A great way to spend my lunch hour.
It is harder than just dicking around on the internet. It is harder than watching TV. Reading (and I mean reading with your eyes not listening, though I do value audio book) is an active process. You are not just been feed entertainment. Your brain has to be working, organizing, keeping track of stuff. imagining. It is not a passive form of entertainment.
So, read. Just read. Open a book and read it for fun.
Finally - yes- we adore this little dog so much it hurts. He is just so good.
